you can find the darnedest stuff in forgotten paper piles. had to scan this before trashing it. think i was more positive back in 94.

More strange dreams last night. Apparently I worked and lived in the same building. Some weird old gaudy hotel in Manhattan. Throughout the work day I bounced back and forth between the two a lot, and each time I did something strange happened on the elevator. I remember a very large woman attacking me. A girl with a Russian accent violently squeezing my ass. A guy holding about 20 candy bars in his hands. I was always late getting back to my desk and always neglecting something at home.

Lots of new (to me, at least) music to listen to today: The Good Life's Help Wanted Nights, Hot Hot Heat's Happiness Ltd., the newish Mt. Eerie Mt. Eerie Parts 6 & 7, and the Lemuria split with Kind of Like Spitting Your Living Room's All Over Me.

Not much hope for the first two, but fall releases generally please me even if they're not quite up to snuff. We shall see....

Last night I dreamt that I was hanging out with Phil Elvrum. He played a show in a bookstore and then another one at a café somewhere on a college campus. After the café show I talked to him for a bit, bought some records from him, and then he asked me if I wanted to grab a bite.

The night before I dreamt that I was in a mall with a person I went to high school with but barely talked to and a newer friend who I haven’t talked to much lately. They drove me home, and while on the way I discovered that my cell phone was broken. Once we arrived home (not my home, mind you – it was a house around the block from the neighborhood I grew up in) I’d realized that I left my car at the mall. Neither could drive me back, despite my begging one of them (his logic was sound: there was a police officer, Mexican couple, and infant taking up all of the seats in his car). I started walking home-home (that is, the actual house I grew up in) and saw that my brother’s car was in the driveway. As I walked toward the house I turned my attention to my phone again, further fiddling to try to get it working. As I neared my home, I looked up from my phone to see my brother peeling out of the driveway, in the opposite direction. I ran for him and screamed loudly to get his attention, but he didn’t notice. I was locked out of the house and began to fiddle with my phone again. While I didn’t have much success, I was able to somehow dial my mother’s phone number. After two rings I was greeted with her outgoing voicemail stating “I occasionally leave for more than 31 days at a time. Should you be calling me during one of those times, I’d appreciate it if you could come over and feed my cats.” I’m not sure to whom this message was directed. Then I woke up.

listening to: so rich, so pretty - mickey avalon

eating: turkey, swiss, romaine, tomato, (cranberry mayo?) wrap

feeling: bananas

i recently dropped my brother off at university. unique experience. on the way to the place i was reading kingdom of fear by hunter thompson. i came across this "jesus hates bald pussy" article and was reminded why thompson is shelf, shelf. i liked it so much i made my mom read it out loud on the ride back. she read it well and even commented that she liked certain parts. enjoy.

Murray.

My only fear is my own power...When im good, Im good...When im bad, Im better... Wouldn't you like to know?...Spend time with people i care about,and Live everyday like its my last moment in this cold, cold world........ SELF DEFEAT ... My feet were planted on the ground... but my mind was high into space... when i looked into the mirror I stared at the scars of defeat on my face... I stared at that person, and i didnt like what i see... And at that point I started cursin at the man Ive grown to be... I cant ever forget that feeling. because a man that forgets his history,is doomed to repeat it. ... ONLY U KNOW WHY .... The peices of my broken heart can never be replaced... The steps that I have taken in my life should never be retraced... No one should have to feel my pain, or my tourment... Its a shame to think of where ive been, and where i am at this moment... The things Ive seen, and done... Should never be witnessed by anyone... Its a story about a boy who faught for it all... Before his downfall... Who was born into the street... And taught only defeat... By parents who cared, but werent aware that the drugs they choose would destin me to loose... The streets chose me, I didnt choose the streets... My vision as i grew became so foggy that i couldnt see... See that it eats me alive... And for the money i strive... After all is said and done, the streets drove me mad... Now im forced to stand on my own , and stop the run before i loose the rest of what life have... Sometimes i just wanna roll over and scream... So i can waik up from this horrible dream... Before i loose whats left... I need to find my true meaning on earth, and ask god to help me through this mess... i pray I keep walking with my head held high... Ill keep moving on, and olnly u know why... ONE MORE CHANCE... I am surrounded by faces ,and faces but still feel completely alone...I am hounded by the life I taisted, The only life Ive ever known...But i cant complain I brought it upon myself... All the hurt and the pain that i ever so foolishly felt...My feet stomp the ground,But my mind is so distorted that i might not ever come around...Its hard to ignore all the sorrow around me,and the fear of how tomarow might be...The voice in my head grows louder... Calling me back to the streets in search of money, respect and power...If i start up again I wont finish the dance of life... But this shit has got to end... This is my last chance to get it right... REMEMBER SHOOT FOR THE MOON , EVEN IF YOU MISS YOUR STILL AMUNGST THE STARS
-t gunz

well everyone, i have a bunch of stuff. first some pictures of the sky. i have ideas about why the sky looks like this but i recommend you just enjoy them. i enjoyed taking them, it's a process. roofs and swerves and capers and k-fives and crickets.


the writing below a picture will be about the picture above. this particular one has some unusual designs and grid patterns in that cloud cluster. there is some sort of energy coming from the earth influencing the pattern of clouds. my personal opinion is that weather is mostly effected by the motion of the dynamo (in my understanding the molten goo inside the middle of the earth). i believe this is what is responsible for unusual patterns lately. i would suspect some abnormal dynamo activity. weakening fields and whatnot.

this is in my front yard. i enjoy putting an american flag in my pictures. to me, it feels like a nice touch of pride. lost pride. my 510 does noise reduction by dark frame subtraction. one exposure then another then remove the hot "noise-e" pixels. it works pretty well and i think everything it left is celestial. which is cool cause i saw none of that. this was more than likely over a minute worth of exposure time at iso 800.
this one i pushed the exposure "compensation" a bit. still learning. was relatively dull, wanted DOF and detail in the lower objects. surprised the sky did not "blow out". i have noticed that as the sunsets there seems to be an increase in interesting and unusual tones and shapes in the atmosphere. it is my favorite time to be out. i believe this picture is taken with my passwird.com $20 monopod-tripod deal. this would be the monopod, you get what you pay for.


this is probably my favorite of the bunch and the best illustration of clouds mimicking some sort of ethereal energy signature. this cloud is far beyond what its brethren were sporting, visually. i imagine it is paired with some sort of resonant frequency. possibly the result of communications or whatever else we use the spectrum to transmit. cell phones? it makes me wonder if meteorology even studies or has studied this type of thing. i would venture to guess most just judge "larger picture" satellite imagery as opposed to severely local and rarely unusual clouds. this is my fantasy. this is my personal discovery of a forgotten art. interpreting the energy signatures present in cloud and particulate matter motioning for attention harboring some sort of message, for all of us. the medium of communication for earth -> human. have i gone malko?this is as the sun was setting. the faint orange worries me rather then inspires me. dont ask why.
this cloud is super weird. very teal.


did i mention i have been taking martial arts? tiger schulmans. i hear it called mcdojo, but i somewhat enjoy it. dont know if i can afford 1330 dollars for 65 classes. i would like to. but then again. yea. ramapo opens again on the 4th of sept.

anyone want to go to modest mouse on sept. 8th at mccarren pool? i bought a ticket back when it was scheduled for keyspan park, and the date has been switched twice since then. as of now i am going solo.

links:
nasa
15 blurry pictures

we live in dangerous times. our armies are powerful, and we spend billions of dollars a year on new prisons, yet our lives are still ruled by fear. we are like pygmies lost in a maze. we are not at war, we are having a nervous breakdown. ~hst

Recent things that have made my existence happier, and somewhat fitter:

* Engaged Life
* No longer drinking soda
* Only one caffeinated drink per day
* Multi-Vitamins
* Earlier Bed
* Changing my desk setup to be ergonomically correct
* Not letting work stress me out
* Montclair Restaurants
* Living somewhere where I can walk places
* Registering for my first MBA courses
* Drinking 5-6 glasses of water a day
* My company's new espresso machine, which allows me to not buy coffee each morning
* Cutting down on the booze (hangovers were getting too rough to handle)

That all definitely takes care of the happier. But I'm not quite there with the fitter, yet. I hope to somehow find time for physical activity once my school schedule gets rolling. But even if I have to hold that off for a little bit, I feel infinitely better day in and day out then I did two months ago, which is pretty great.

for a while the haarp cam has been showing a shot from may 17th. after three months of that shit i decided to fire an email to the haarp facility. what they didnt tell me in the email is that there is an alternate site. there is a pic above from that monster.

from: infohaarp@maestro.haarp.alaska.edu
Hi Paul,

The shelter where the HAARP Cam was monted was deteriorating rapidly and was removed from the site. We will restore the original camera as soon as we can get a new shelter into that space, hopefully before the cold weather sets in this fall.

Thanks for your inquiry,
I.H.

- Hide quoted text -

>when is it coming back online?

Sudden shifts in weather always conjure up somewhat foreign feelings. Not Morocco foreign, though. More like Canada foreign. The barely conscious memories of dozens of other similar feeling days trying to sneak into your conscious thoughts. Some half-making it. Some making it all the way. It'll make you do things like wanna blow off work for a suburban mall. Or take a walk down the street to a non-existent train station. Or light a candle. Or use a certain brand of soap. Today was one of those days. The recent heat giving way to a sudden chill. It came at the right time, too. Capped off a week filled with reasons for introspection. Good reasons.

I laughed at Paul last night for twice remarking that he willed something into happening. But I don't know. Maybe there's something to it.

fun knee

As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

~Donald Rumsfeld

"the rich are free the poor are put in cages...mahalo" ~hst