Well now, where were we? The truth is I don't fucking know. Since I've last written i've mostly been in a semi-drunken haze filled with Christmas trees, the north jersey version of an irish pub, Mario Kart, Zelda, bowling alleys, driving with open containers, and Hoboken. In the past two days I've been asked to play football and ultimate frisbee and both times have had to declilne. My body is pretty banged up. I went from hardly eating and never sleeping during the tail end of my fall semester to fiendishly wolfing down food and sleeping until all hours of the day here in good ole Wayne. I recommend neither, my friends - as the body, head, and heart are certainly not helped by either over or under indulgence relative to normalcy.

Normalcy, however, is my new plan for the remaining days of my vacation. I have a blank calendar in front of me from now until the 4th, when I return to Boston, and plan on using it in the best way I can think of given my carless circumstances... sleeping at normal times, equal parts relaxing and getting back into shape, and enjoying the bulk of my time with the individuals I know are worth spending these few and far between "home hours" with.

I sure hope that everyone has had a relatively painless holiday season thus far and that all is well with anyone and everyone who matters to you. If for nothing else, the holidays at least force people to consider those in their lives... whether out of forced, phony circumstances of the "they always buy me a gift so..." sort or genuine caring. I hope that either way, your evaluations of those in your life have left you feeling good about yourself. Cheers, I trust I'll be writing more before the New Year, so I'll save that 'see ya next year' bullshit until then. --

Was going to write about Return of the King.. but there's really no point. Unless you're a fucking idiot you will go see this movie... ten times.

Here's some snippets from a conversation between Paul and I for your amusement... slightly edited to keep us from being arrested / committed, of course:

Paul: you see that shit penny arcade is doing?
Chris: toy drive? i wanted to donate
Paul: http://www.shacknews.com/ja.zz?id=9004888, check out the second reply
Chris: Sad way to look at life?
Paul: hahahahahHAHAHA, i made the original post
Chris: dinglebean gave it away
Paul: i thought you knew i posted it, im just happy someone sad i have a sad outlook on life
Paul: whats up in your department, get hammered last nite?
Chris: no, for a change. saw return of the king
Paul: ass hurt?
Chris: yeah man. so fucking long. plus the theater didn't adjust their temperatures for the humidity. it was like 50 degrees outside here yesterday and they had the heat going full blast in the theater.. 45 minutes in it was like 90 degrees and didn't stop... the whole theater was shedding clothes and it stunk like a locker room
Paul: ew. but entertaining maybe a bit
Chris: plus, like 90% fat dudes in the theater
Chris: but it was awesome. i liked it a lot. although there's is one incredibly, incredibly homo-erotic scene
Paul: the end when frodo is caressing sams head?
Chris: all of the hobbits are bouncing around on a bed... and one by one in slo-mo all of the guys from the original felowship walk in the room with smiles on their faces and just stare and watch all googly eyed
Paul: hahahah. aragon is hot
Chris: all the bitches love legolas

Chris: nobody will listen to me and seek out Cex
Chris: tracks 1,5, and 6 off of being ridden dammit!
Paul: i cant get it, why cant i see your files on soulseek?
Chris: i don't know. i said i'd look yesterday and forgot, you can get one of those songs at www.rjyan.com
Chris: go to discography... i think it's 6, Cex At Arms Length.. which is definitely not the best of those three... but still good upon repeat listens. but better accompanied by the other, more upbeat songs.
Paul: dude puking in a toilet? or cutting his wrists?
Chris: haha... the one with his arm up in the air.. which is identical to a cover of an old david bowie album. but not the one with the tape over his mouth.. that's the instrumental version
Chris: he just put out a new album called Maryland Mansions but i haven't listened to it yet.
Paul: i like this
Chris: dude, it's bad ass. Bright Eyes + Eminem + Nine Inch Nails
Paul: calm insanity

Paul: u listen to any leo kottke? i asked you this before
Chris: don't think so. never listened
Paul: song 3 on regards from chuck pink
Chris: good?
Paul: id say yes
Paul: others would cast me out
Chris: you have at home?
Paul: yea

Chris: i think the new Cex has a little Paper Chase thrown into the mix.... i hear he's going crazy
Chris: he's 21/22 years old. sounds about right.
Paul: haha, excellent, i like that arms length song
Paul: reminds me of something... mc 900 ft jesus
Chris: yeah, his voice... he raps a little better on the other tunes
Chris: while we're at it
Chris: Constantines - Shine A Light - Song 5, Young Lions
Paul: word, will check out.. take it easy, gotta paper this out
---

Many people I started school with here in Boston are graduating today. Part of me wishes I was leaving with them. Another part of me hopes that these next 4 or 5 months will be the best yet. Who knows. You're dealt a hand and the best you can do is fucking play it. --

I spent last night living in a bit of a time warp. My friend, Mike, with whom I traveled across the country two summer's ago during his move to San Diego was back in town for a few days and needed a place to stay. We grabbed some dinner and a pitcher of Pabst at the Other Side Cafe' on Newbury, the local hipster eatery. While I half-drunkenly snacked on my prosciutto sandwich and pasta fagiole I listened to Mike talk about his life in San Diego. He was talking about things like leaving for tour just after the new year, being vegan, and peta protests while I just kinda sat there googly eyed without really being able to muster up any sort of response. Understand that I mean no disrespect... but I couldn't help but think about how far passed all of those kind of things that I was. Maybe it's that I was never really "in" it at all. Maybe I was just a passive observer, dipping my toe in the pool and realizing that it was either way too hot or cold to actually swim in. Instead I opted to sit shirtless the whole time in a lawn chair next to the water, letting the sun bronze my skin... reaping the benefits of the situation but not actually engrossing myself in it. And now that the sun's gone for the day I'm inside getting ready to flaunt my new tan and head out to tackle bigger and better things while the rest of the suckers are bitching about being tired or cramps. Still with me? Good, because if you've made it this far I'll reward you by ending this terrible metaphor before it exposes any more holes in my ability to write than it already has.

Mike, however, is a very dear friend and I appreciated being able to spend time with him. To be honest I never thought I'd ever see him again. One pitcher and one six pack of Honey Browns later I passed out on my couch, just 5 minutes into Run Ronnie Run, happy that I was able to experience this introspective night. It couldn't have come at a better time. I certainly wish Mike the best of luck with his future plans. His band, Tamora, does in fact kick you square in the balls with some fairly heavy hardcore and their debut EP will be out soon on Happy Couples Never Last, I suggest checking it out when it does. For the record, openly admitting that I've forever traded in my hipster clothes for that really nice new shit from Banana Republic doesn't still mean that the music I listen to isn't ten times cooler than yours, bitches.

I had a late night phone call around 3AM that I still can't decipher the meaning of. While I'm sure that the phone call itself was real, its dreamlike qualities of being cryptical and curious but probably meaningless have been haunting me since I hung up the phone about 17 minutes after I answered. --

I'm trying to not feel a general dissatisfaction with everything right now, but it's not easy. I've found myself able to get caught up in a couple of things these past few days... things that are able to distract me for a few minutes here and there, but for the most part I'm walking around in a dense fog, completely oblivious to any opportunities that might exist to shake me out of this mindset.

Some of my minor distractions:

Office Xmas party on Saturday night: About three hours after arriving to the party I looked up and realized that there were six of us standing on one side of the room by ourselves, right next to the bar, with a half-empty handle of Russian Vodka at arms length. The six of us that were anchored to this position for God knows how long were all current or former students of Northeastern University. The MIT and Harvard grads were standing around the grand piano watching the owner of the company's son bounce back and forth between Christmas carols and classical compositions. A few of them had poured some wine and were a bit red in the face, but it was nothing compared to the beet red in our glorified screwdriver drunk eyes. Go NU, eh? After the party ended, a few of us headed downtown to An Tain where a fellow employee was hosting a children's toy drive. Drinks are cheap at An Tain and the only price of admission to get into the bar was a children's toy. Julie and I tried to pick something up at a CVS before heading into the bar.. but it was closed. Luckily my friend running the event let us in without the toy, as long as I promised to bring him one on Monday...

FAO Schwartz: ... which brings me to my next distraction. Toy shopping for a gift at FAO Schwartz the following day. It sure sounded like a great idea at the time.. but once the snow came it kinda soured everything and ruined what could've been a good time. John, Jules, and I made the best of it by eating about $50 worth of Jelly Belly's and then settling on a Lego toy for the charity. The fact that we drove over there, parked on a snowbank, and rushed home to beat the remainder snow instead of taking a bundled up winter walk with hot chocolate kinda killed the whole idea.

Terminator 3: Awful. Embarassing. I just deleted a 200 word rant on why I didn't like this movie...

And do you know why I deleted it? Because I realized the whole thing was just an excuse to write circles around the fact that I really have found nothing to distract myself from being upset. Because every time I try to trail off down a new idea path my eyes shoot over to the unopened pile of packages sitting on my desk. The boxes that contain items that were purchased with a recipient in mind and now have no owner other than the brown cardboard and bubble-wrap surrounding them.

Apologies for delving into the meta-fiction today... I didn't set out to write in the way I did but that's just sorta how it played out.

fuckya

im at school and i have a lingering effect of zero self worth to make myself feel like a better person. i cant for the life of me figure out how i have two entries back to back. so what to chat about while i whittle away the ginger tea.

first, trizzle
trazzle
bizzle
wazzle
woooooooooo

what a fucking game. its by the people who made giants, planet moon, really rowdy roozin doozles. i sent an email to the people that made the game and actually got a response back from someone on the development team. of course those screencaps do it no justice, because in motion its like a river of honey milk and butter. smooth like a shitbag.

but videogames. its what i do when i have homework. im actually physically hurt from playing that one. if your in a chair, dont sit there for 8 hrs. if you have a data entry cube job, id say youd want a lack of job security. the glow of the monitor is starting to show in your attitude, ie you have none and noone likes you.

haha, but we joke sometimes dont we. its like a river of honeydew sauce. jimmy watches this show angels in america, but whatever. its this guy niraj who transcends time and sticks with ya like honeysauce. once a whole goozle of goobles was froozlen in the boozle dooze (name rhymes with madison fur, her basement) , and we were boozin and snoodin on the bood. well i took a book of india and threw it on the ground cause in my head i thought provoking people was silly and fun and niraj is an easy target cause he looks funny. yeah, that just sat with me, not like he has any attachment to india or anything just cause its stupid. not saying it bothers me that much, just saying sometimes carrying things on you tend to forget about universal human respect. where the fuck is this goin.

so cheese and santas and santas cheese wheel, spin and turn and yearn for burns, am i rite. i garuntee you there is more enjoyment than youre willing to admit in those times you just dont feel like carrying on, dont be shrewd. are you sick of yourself.

so what are you folks reading, anything to recommend? ive been trotting along with don quixote and sancho panza in that book about them that is big. its fun and funny. interesting too. but how much is too much. just really tired and typing as it flies in waving as it leaves. yeee

id like to say that i forgot my password and thats why i havent updated in a while, but i forgot my password when trying to make this post. i see no promise in you anymore, kid, thats why i neglect you. ya see, when a child is growing neglect is the greatest form of love. its like the man behind the curtain, i aint lookin.

i took out letting off the happiness to listen too, and after my cd player barfed it back a couple times i realized i do like song three.. very mature all considered. plus its got the fem vox.

if you asked me to describe my room id say it has unread newspapers everywhere.. i blame school for making the papers free. usually every day i have school i take a nytimes and a record, good stuff. but since my cat is incontinent and my dog eats catfood then shits it on the rugs, i line that unused paper over everything and bathe in the odor..

speaking of which i was in cape may for the thanksshitbag and there is a store called good sense. i procured some incense that is described on the box as "a transporting aromatic experience" - shit made my eyes water. incense is pretty valuable but invaluable at the same time. id see it as one of the best values for the money, specially when it makes your eyes burn.

saw 21 grams in the theaters and i highly recommend it. asking for natural born killers for xmas. gonna put eyes wide shut donnie darko and natty born killers right on the teevee. tonite, this nite in time, the toronto maple leafs have beaten the boneheaded boston bruins 6-0. blanked em the fuck out. i hate the boston team, but hate only cause they were playing toronto. in terms of real hatred, i hate the flyers the most. bruins fall into place somewhere way behind.

school is rapping up and so is my life. nothing to joke about but i heard the expression 51/50 tonite and i was awed by it. expiration date running sour and whatnot. warranty is up.. for a game, how many allusions to death can you make using real world mechanix. deedle.

imri tells me soulseek is belching fire lately. thats pretty sad. sad like music journalism. sad like chris's written but never published updates. but really, its so easy to take a shot at leno, truth is, the mans out there, every nite, with fresh material. im out