Seiously, it's the fucking weather, man. It's very apparent that it's not just something I like to say to cheer myself up anymore.

There was this obsessive compulsive rich kid that lived down the hall from me my freshman year of college that used to have this weird-ass fluorescent light fixture at the foot of his bed. He'd stare into the fucking thing for 15 minutes every morning because he claimed to have some crazy condition in which lack of sunlight made him severely depressed. But he was so petrified of cancer that he had to avoid the real sun at all costs. He wore lots of black and was as pale as a goddamned vampire. At any rate, I never took him or his condition seriously.. because it was way more fun to tell him you had just finished whacking off and watch him cower away from you anytime your hands came within three feet of him.. but maybe there's more to it. It just can't be a coincidence anymore. **

May I cut in?