bullshit, sideshow, three ring circus

The danger of becoming misologists, he replied, which is one of the very worst things that can happen to us. For as there are misanthropists or haters of men, there are also misologists or haters of ideas, and both spring from the same cause, which is ignorance of the world. Misanthropy arises from the too great confidence of inexperience;--you trust a man and think him altogether true and good and faithful, and then in a little while he turns out to be false and knavish, and then another and another, and when this has happened several times to a man, especially within the circle of his own most trusted friends, as he deems them, and he has often quarrelled with them, he at last hates all men, and believes that no one has any good in him at all.

why am i not surprised.

how do wee wee do.

been some time, been blasting rats and sassing frats.

been trusting myself less and less and putting too much credence into pop culture. nasty way to live. like a gentile. speaking of credence i met an interesting iranian man in the middle eastern section of borders bookstore. he was telling me that chomsky, for a jew, had very good poise on presenting issues factually and fairly to those confused about the state of the world. hes not so much what im talking about, im talking about the kid at the cash register. my mom and i were talkin bout truth, and this kid writes the name of a book "the awakening intelligence" on my receipt and tells me its all about truth. im not really that interested in that tho. the iranian was much cooler. something about how people initially perceive people. clown johsnon at the register starts peddling his ego.

its more about drawing, less about pushing. in some weird heterosnakesual way. its like saying, im not a misologist, im not a misanthropist, and being an american. its like food and fireflies. they aint hungry.

but about the pop culture. i saw lost in translation and i think its stupid. i like bill murray, but coppola has shit on the brains. those emotions are on the way out, so i could see how those close to such feelings would warm to them and hold them fucking tight. thats the way we work, only love something when its near the end.

but fuck, seriously. life is good and precious and all but ive got too much to worry about right now (ie my own survival) to bother understanding my emotions. instead of partitioning it out equallly i just focus it on one thing, when i have the time. this way i can get work done and like something a whole bunch, when i have the time.

chris said he made a post and tore himself apart letting his ego bash his id and vice versa. that sounds goddamn awesome. maybe not so much in the context of chris's life, but just in general. i know he played xenogears for a bit. and how you dont even know how much youd like a story like that.

ive been listening to tool and mix tapes. some jamiroquai. drank some whiskey the other nite, if thats pop culture. thing with whiskey, for me, is like going to the bottom of a pool and sticking your head in the center drain, then the harder you pull to get up the further down you get. pinned, folks. you can be like, oh, the bottom of the bin is gross, these thoughts are irrational and stupid. then when you think of the good stuff it gets infected. horrible way the mind works, if your down and out keep the good things out of your head, im telling you as a friend.